By Carla Romarate-Knipel
Fiery tree ablaze –
red-orange leaves entrancing
my sorrowful eyes…
walking away, sad –
looking up the clear blue skies
longing to see you…
this beautiful day –
reaching out to embrace me
as I sit alone.
you are in the warmth
of the sun, shining brightly
on my tear-stained cheeks.
the cool, gentle breeze
touches my face, dries sadness –
leaving only love.
9.5.2022: A Reflection on the Journey of Grief and Healing
Today I choose joy and gratitude for the deep and wonderful love that God has given my husband, David and I, since we met in 1999 in the campus of Central Philippine University. I hope and pray that by God’s grace, even with the grief that persists to keep me company, I will make it my intention every day to also welcome joy in this journey, for the rest of my life.
I thank my sister, Esther Rose, for sharing with me a photo (the one on the right) from her “FB archives,” taken when we were already married and were in the Philippines for a visit. If I recall correctly, this may have been taken there on one of our short term mission trips, where Dave and I did some team teaching on Conflict Transformation Across Cultures at the College of Theogy.
It was a joy to teach with Dave because he was always eager to learn as much as to teach. He taught me to be patient, humble and gracious even when one disagrees with another person’s views. He used to tease me that I always wanted to have the last word in an argument or debate. Many times he did let me have the last word, with a smile. He always believed, “Happy wife, happy life.” 🥰❤️
The other pictures were taken at Dave’s cousin Bill’s mansion in Hanover, PA (now a museum). This was during the early years of our marriage and we were there to celebrate his cousin’s birthday. I believe it was at summer time and my late sister-in-law, Sue, took these pictures. The one with my back towards the camera was probably when we were preparing to leave but the band started to play and Dave took my hands to dance. His eyes were beaming with joy. Though you can’t see my face, I am sure that my eyes were looking into his with great joy.
In the other picture, we are smiling with so much joy, it’s as if time has stopped and we were in Kairos time, where there is no past, present or future, only the eternal NOW. The photographer had captured in this moment our unique, distinctive personalities: Dave’s quiet, tender self and me, with (using Dave’s own words) my “wacky wonderfulness,” blended into one passionate, exuberant love that couldn’t help but be “surprised by joy!” (Borrowing C.S. Lewis’ words) You may also notice that both of my hands and arms are wrapped around Dave’s left arm and we are leaning on each other, in a comfortable, loving closeness.
Throughout the years of our marriage we continually leaned on each other with happiness and delight like in this photo, but also in tough times especially when Dave’s health started to decline. By God’s grace we tried our best to choose joy and gratitude in the midst of the aches and pains. It was not easy but in the end, the great Love from God carried us through the dark days of suffering, giving us always a reason to smile, even laugh! It was a labor of love that was worth all the effort and tears.
Now that Dave is no longer with me in his warm and solid human form, each day is a struggle to choose joy and gratitude. But I have a choice: I can choose joy and gratitude or not. With the courage given to me by God, in his love and mercy, I choose joy and gratitude.
And, with the many happy memories and the gifts of faith, hope and love that Dave and I share and had been growing through the years, with our son, Isaac, as the most beautiful fruit of our union — there is a vast reservoir of joy that I can receive and give.
My Mom, Ligaya
Joy in the flesh, gave your all –
you live in my heart!
Pretty pink blossoms
I watch you bloom, awed by joy –
blessed by your beauty.
It’s February 1, 2021. I haven’t been sharing my poetry, prayers and prose here in my blog for awhile. It has been a difficult November, December and January for me because of my husband’s hospitalizations. But I haven’t stopped writing using pen and paper. The act of writing has become a prayer. In my lowest moments, it helped to keep me afloat. Today I decided to come back to this online space and share some of what I have written in the past few months and hope it will bring some joy to you, my dear Reader.
Someone once encouraged me to find my voice. By voice I think the person meant who I am and how do I sound that is distinctively me. I didn’t really think about voice in that way. Yes, I love to talk, sing and listen to myself talk (ask my husband!). But I haven’t really spent time in self-reflection and listen more intentionally to who I am, especially as a writer. Today I gained more clarity about my voice, especially as a writer. The way I came to this recognition was in the midst of listening to a presentation of an author in the Writing For Your Life Conference. This was an online conference in November 2020. I was seated in our dining room viewing the presentation on my laptop. I had an epiphany: God has given me a joyful, “don’t-take-yourself-so-seriously,” earthy, “dance-in-the-rain person” voice, who sounds like a “faith-seeking- understanding” kind of woman-pastor academic willing to learn how to speak the languages beyond the confines of academia, exploring the many worlds that brim with wisdom and resisting the urge to be stuck in stale, overused words swarming online.
Hello! My name is Carla. I was born and raised in Iloilo City, Philippines. Ever since I could remember, JOY, was a huge part of my life. My mother’s name is Ligaya, which means “Joy” in English. Even though our family was not wealthy and had our fair share of troubles and tragedies, I have learned that joy is possible even in the midst of adversity. This joy came from many sources and in varying degrees. The deepest joy I’ve experienced was to meet Jesus in a very personal way when I was ten years old. I started this blog to share poems, prayers and prose that I hope will inspire joy in you. I am a beginner in this adventure called blogging. Or should I say a latecomer. I accidentally pressed the “launch site” button before I was done editing my site, so HERE I AM! Welcome!
Choose Joy: Poems, Prayers and Prose 